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My TV career viciously plucked from me

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By The Staff

Whoever said, "Some things are not to be," said a mouthful. I have found that, although I may want to do something, it is not for me. Of course, the opposite is also true. Some things I do not want, yet somehow they find residence upon my person, and usually do not pay rent. Wouldn't it be nice if you could just choose everything you like in life?

Quite recently I had been doing some interviews concerning a book I had just had published. My publicist had set up some radio interviews I could do in central Pennsylvania. I was taking my parents home and thought it would be a great time to catch as many radio stations as possible.

Everything was going quite fine and then my publicist informed me that she had secured an interview on a TV station in Pittsburgh. This was a first for me. I have been on radio for many years. Now, television loomed in my future. This was all quite exciting to me. I was envisioning a whole new career in the fascinating world of television. I saw myself as an upcoming TV personality.

When I informed the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage about this TV adventure she said, "But you have such a wonderful radio face." I laughed good-naturedly, and was glad I was on the other end of the telephone so she could not see me laughing through clenched teeth.

It is always my luck that when opportunity rings my doorbell I pick up the telephone. Usually it is a telemarketer. But I pressed on and looked forward to my television debut.

My appointment at the TV station was at two o'clock but I made sure I was there in plenty of time, not wanting to miss this opportunity.

As soon as I got to the station, I introduced myself and was chagrined to realize the receptionist did not know me and was not expecting me. I asked for the person that I was to meet and she kindly informed me that he left the day before for Mexico.

I could see my dreams of a television career falling apart.

About that time, somebody came through the door inquiring if I was not Rev. Snyder. "I'm going to do the interview with you today, if that's all right?"

It certainly was all right with me. I did not care who did the interview as long as I had my television debut.

"Allow me to take you to our green room so you can get ready for the interview."

I followed him to a room but it was not green. I am not sure why it is called "the Green room." While I was there I was introduced to a young woman who was the makeup artist.

"This young lady," I was informed, "will get you ready for your TV appearance."

I had not thought about this, but I had to be "made up." Up to this time in my long life, I have never put on any makeup. I go by the old idea that if natural is good enough for God it is good enough for me.

However, natural is not good enough for TV. Sitting in the seat to be made up by the makeup artist I noticed her table was filled with hundreds of things related to being made up. There were bottles of all sizes and shapes and colors.

I was not familiar with all of the stuff there but recognized tubes of lipstick. I guess I will do a lot of things for television but I will not stoop to rouge lipstick. After all, I do have my standards. I informed my makeup artist that nothing touches my lips.

She laughed good naturedly. I am not too sure what she was laughing at, though. Then she went to work on my face, explaining that because of the television lights, makeup is necessary to keep a person's face from shining. I always thought a shining face was a good thing, but not for television. I yielded to her experience in this area.

In a few moments, I was settled down allowing her to do her work and I was trying to think of what I would say during the interview. The interview would not be scripted so I wanted to make sure I had in my mind what I really wanted to say.

At this point she said something and without thinking about what she was saying I answered by saying, "Uhu."

I quickly discovered that what she said was, "Should I pluck your eyebrows?" By the time I realized what she had said, she had begun the process of plucking my eyebrows.

I have never had my eyebrows plucked before and did not know how painful a process it was. The tears began rushing down my cheeks and I was about to cry like a little girl. While my makeup artist plucked away she said, "This will make you look younger on TV."

I did not know being on TV involved so much pain.

Driving away from the interview I remembered what the apostle Paul admonished, "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16 KJV).

Turning my back on a TV career, I will concentrate on my "inward man" and be content with a shiny face.

The Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship, 1471 Pine Road, Ocala, FL 34472. He lives with his wife, Martha, in Silver Springs Shores. Call him at 352-687-4240 or e-mail jamessnyder2@att.net. The church web site is www.whatafellowship.com.